How to text a girl: part 2

How to text a girl

We are in an age where most of the phone communication with women you are seducing, dating or in a serious relationship with will be via texting rather than talking on the phone. A huge percentage of my successful online game and open/poly relationship game is done via texting, since I almost never talk to women over the phone.

It has just become so second-nature to me I never really think about it.

Text game is the same as online game in that it will not actually get you laid, but it can provide the framework for getting laid and if you do it wrong it will prevent you from getting laid. Unless you are having full-on “text sex” with an established girlfriend, you will never be able to send a chick a text that will instantly make her stop what she is doing, drive over to your house and leap on your cock.

However, you can easily send a text that will repulse a chick and ensure youwill never hear from her again, or at least never again in a sexual context. That is easy, and guys do it all the time.

The Core
Effective texting means you are always maintain the same frame in your texts that you (should) have in your real-life pickup, seduction, and relationship interactions. That boils down to four things:

Outcome Independent

If you constantly remember those four things when texting chicks and always have your texts reflect those things, your text game will never sabotage you. Your goal is to maintain those four frames especially when she does not.

Here are some examples of what I mean.

Her: You said you would be here at 5pm and it is 5:10 wtf???
You: I had to stop and order a pizza. Youare not getting any though. I ate it all. 🙂

Her: Um, who is that other girl on Facebook who commented about your Seattle trip?
You: Another girl on my Facebook? Does she have big boobs? Mmmmm.

Her: I have really thought alot about this and I just do not think I can be with you any more. Larry really treats me like a lady I and guess I need his stability right now. I really care for you and think you are a great guy and I really wanted to move forward with you but you seem unwilling to do that.
You: Ok
(then ignore her response)

Her: You know Wednesday’s my birthday and I really liked those earrings I saw at Nordstrom’s that one time.
You: Hey that is a good idea, you should totally buy yourself those earrings for your birthday! Treat yourself baby you deserve it.

You can see in all of the above examples where most normal men would respond with logic, explanations, defensiveness, or even anger. All of those things are really bad, especially over texts where things like voice, body language, and physical aura are completely absent.

Tone down sarcasm
Notice I said “Funny”, but not “Cocky and Funny”. It took me a long time to figure this out, but sarcasm does not translate well over texts, even if you are normally a sarcastic guy and she understands that.

Unless you are very verbally skilled and have the four frames above as rock-solid, I would avoid being sarcastic over texts until you feel you really have it down. Be funny. Be witty. Just do not be sarcastic.

If you choose to be sarcastic over texting, do so sparingly and always, always end your sarcastic statements with smiley faces (just like in the first example above).

If you have not yet had sex with the woman at least twice yet, I would really avoid the sarcasm until you lock her in by having sex with her twice. Then you can relax, a little. Even with women you have ongoing relationships with you need to really watch text sarcasm.

I am a very sarcastic type of person and years ago when I was figuring all this out I did indeed lose potential lays because of sarcasm over texts.

Timing is key
A common piece of advice is to respond to a woman’s tests as fast as she responds to yours. If she takes 20 minutes to respond to you, you wait 20 minutes or even more before responding back to her.

I suppose I agree with this advice in principle, but only to a point. Some women will really take a long time to respond to your texts. With some of those 18 and 19 year-olds you will be waiting an entire day or two for a response sometimes.

Some of those hard-working 29 year-olds will often go all day long without responding. You send her a text at 10:00am, and you get your response at 8:30pm that evening.

Once you actually do get a response from her, I do not think purposely waiting around to respond to her just to show her you are a cool person is a very effective strategy. Do not play games. Receive her text, wait a few minutes, and then just text her back.

Responding to her sooner rather than later is actually more effective since you know A) she still has her phone in her hand, B) she is available to text, and C) she is in a “texting mood”. Nothing wrong with that at all. I do it all the time and it works well.

If you want to know more about gaming girls over the phone read two of my previous articles on the subject:

How to text a girl

How to use your phone gaming girls


Why you should pack your stuff and travel the world right now

Why you should pack your stuff and travel the world right now

There are a million great reasons to quit your job to travel the world, but here are five things that matter right now. There’s never been a better time to get out and experience the world.

1. The US Dollar-Euro exchange rate is at a 10-year best
While traveling in Europe is the quintessential trip – and much cheaper than most Americans tend to think – the catch has always been the 25-30% ‘tax’ on travelers coming from the U.S. in the form of the Euro-Dollar exchange rate.

But things have changed in the last 6 months, and dollar is now as close to the euro as I have ever seen it. As I write this a dollar is worth about 0.94 euro.

That means your USD are going a lot further, not just in Europe but everywhere.

But currencies fluctuate, and who knows how long the current trend will last.

2. Air travel is at its cheapest
Alright, people say things like this every decade, but I am not really making predictions about the price of oil here.

Check this out: In December I flew from Budapest to Las Vegas to Mexico to San Francisco and back to Budapest over a 6-week period for about $300.

The moral of the story is: gas is cheap (oil is down to $51.14 a barrel as I write this) and airline miles will never take you further.

Even paying cash you can currently book a last-minute (for tomorrow) round-trip ticket half-way around the world (Budapest to Bangkok) for $600. Whether or not that seems expensive to you, the good news is, analysts are saying the price of airfare will continue to drop in 2015.

While the future is impossible to predict, it is hard to imagine flights getting cheaper than they are right now. Add to this the ubiquitous discount airlines that can get you around a region (like Europe or in SE Asia) for as little as $12, and you can get all over the world for next to nothing.

Yes, the price of oil will go up again, the dollar will probably lose value, and flights will probably be more expensive in the future.

3. Traveling is easier than ever
Some people will argue that we already missed the Golden Age: a time before everything was exploited, when travel was harder, there were fewer tourists, and it was easier to get lost.

Sure, while I would have loved to join Sir Richard Burton for one of his expeditions, I will skip the high-percentage chance of death or being carried away from my discoveries by porters because of disease-caused temporary blindness and paralysis.

While ridiculous convenience can cheapen the experience of travel, it also means more people can travel.

It also brings a huge number of new possibilities for those of us who live and work around the world.

Last month on the Budapest metro I booked the following on my phone: airfare, accommodation, and tickets to a concert in Amsterdam. It took about 15 minutes. When I arrived in Holland a group of friends and I used Uber to book a private driver to the event, at less than half of the cost of a regular taxi.

I can get phone calls at a U.S. number routed to my phone anywhere on earth. I pay no fees to withdraw money anywhere, and ATMs are everywhere. I can work from a hut in Indonesia while using my phone as a WiFi hot spot.

Airbnb has opened up a whole new class of accommodation options. I have got more books on my 6-ounce kindle than the book shop at the airport. And so on.

And just in terms of places to go it feels like more of the world is accessible to travelers and unrestricted by governments, warfare, disease, sanctions, or other issues than ever before.

Sure, technology will get even better, but the party might not last forever. Things will probably get more crowded and more expensive, not counting the potential for large catastrophic events that may change the game.

It is impossible to predict what will happen in the next 5 years, but in my perspective we are living in a time of incredible prosperity.

Do not miss the window while it is open.

4. You have been dreaming far too long
Stop kidding yourself. How long has it been since you said “if I just get to X I will take that trip”?

Americans have been trained to fixate on goals and endpoints as tangible objects, like ‘when I have another $10,000 in the bank I’ll take that trip.’

But most of us have learned by now that the endpoints are illusory, and as soon as we ‘arrive’ the rules have changed on us. The need for $10,000 becomes $20,000. Something else comes up. Too much time has passed and our interests have changed (or we think we are too old).

This is all a normal, expected part of life, and it’s only disappointing if we are not kidding ourselves that someday we will do something we actually care about.

That being said, maybe it is time to play your own game. In the long run, authenticity is more important than money, and if you have been putting off travel all these years it is time to sit down and seriously contemplate what you think is stopping you.

My advice: Buy a plane ticket. Make a “worst case scenario” disaster plan, sell all your shit, and do something new because:

5. Your comfortability is bad for you
“Comfort is death.” Quote by my dad.

People comment all the time that traveling “must get easier for someone who travels so much.”

Actually, it gets harder.

By definition, real travel is uncomfortable and based on shaking routines up, and while this always has tremendous value it is less and less appealing as a long-term practice.

What extensive travel ends up teaching is the importance of a fixed location: every day I stay in one place I get stronger, healthier, smarter, and my business does better. Every day that goes by I am more committed to higher-level experiences and the routines that produce huge results for me.

This means the natural trend makes it less likely I will travel as much in the future.

But the point at which I get too comfortable is exactly when I start to get nervous. While routines produce massive results, they can also form a tangible barrier to new experiences. It is easy to forget that uncomfortable experiences are exactly what expand our sphere of comfort, making new challenges easier to tackle and giving us the ability to see things in a whole new light.

Cycling things is always more effective than wallowing where you’re most comfortable.

My interpretation of the Spartan ideal here is combining the efficacy of routines with the mental strength to break them at will – knowing that when I come back for the next round I will be that much stronger.

So break out of your routine now, while you can. Waiting will only make it harder.


How to talk to her in bed

How to talk to her in bed

You may think you have sealed the deal just because she is in your bed — but what you say in the next few hours means everything when it comes to whether or not she will want to repeat the experience.

And you will get more second chances when you realize that some of the stuff that turns you on — reassuming us you have had plenty of experience, revealing compliments you have received for your performances — can actually be weird to the women.

Avoid that by learning what you should — and should not — say after you do the deed.

1. When she is good at giving a blow job
Say: That feels so amazing.
Do not say: Oh my god, you are soooo good.

Hearing how “soooooo good” she is makes her self-conscious. You say that and she starts to wonder if you think she is good because you think she has done this a lot. And then she starts to think about whether you are comparing her skills to the skills of other women you have been with.

It is best to avoid this scenario by describing the feeling instead of giving her a performance evaluation. Just sit back, enjoy the ride, and if you think you are about to say something dumb, you probably are.

So keep your yap shut so she do not shut hers.

2. If she is not your usual type but you still enjoyed yourself
Say: You are so hot. I love your [G-rated body part].
Do not say: Normally, I like bigger/smaller boobs/hips/butts, but yours is great.

Keep those opinions to yourself, and focus on all her other notable attributes. Keep in mind that under no circumstances do women ever want to hear anything that would make them think they are looked at as anything less than a goddess.

When you are with them and especially when you are naked, make sure you remember that.

3. If she asks you what you liked best
Say: I loved making you feel good.
Do not say: I really liked when you gave me oral.

It is a bated question, and the reason they ask it is because they want reassurance about how much you are into them. When you say you liked something they did to you, it makes them feel like your pleasure was more important to you than theirs.

Prove you were just as focused on how good they felt, and they will be hungry for seconds.

4. When you are in the moment and want her to know it
Say: *Moaning* Oh yeah! *Moaning* Oh! *Moaning* My! *Moaning* God! *Moaning*
Do not say: F*** me!

This comes down to personal preference, but I think it is chivalrous to let a lady take the lead when it comes to dirty talk.

5. When you are planning for round two the next morning
Say: I would love to try that wine bar you mentioned — interested in drinks tonight?
Do not say: So, you wanna come over later?

Even if you both admitted you are just looking for something casual, it is nice to meet in public first. Not only does it give you a chance to get to know each other out of bed, but if you only invite her to your place, she may assume you are embarrassed to be seen with her or are hiding her from a girlfriend or wife.

And honestly, is shelling out a few bucks on drinks before you get down and dirty really that big of a burden? No, it is not.


How to declutter your home and clear your mind

How to declutter your home and clear your mind

One of my favorite habits that I have created since I changed my life is having a decluttered home.

I now realize that I always disliked the clutter, but I put off thinking about it because it was unpleasant.

The thought of having to deal with all that clutter was overwhelming, and I had too much to do, or I was too tired, so I procrastinated.

Clutter, it turns out, is procrastination.

But I learned to deal with that procrastination one small chunk at a time, and I cleared it out. That was truly amazing.

Amazing because I did not really believe I could do it until I did it. I did not believe in myself. And amazing because when it was done, there was a background noise that was removed from my life, a distraction, an irritation.

Decluttering my home has meant a more peaceful, minimal life. It is meant I spend less time cleaning, maintaining my stuff, looking for things. Less money buying things, storing things. Less emotional attachment to things.

For anyone looking to begin decluttering, I would like to offer a short guide on getting started. Know that this guide is not comprehensive, and it can take months to really get down to a decluttered home, but if you do it right, the process is fun and liberating and empowering, each step of the way.

Start easy
Clutter can be overwhelming, and so we put it off. The best thing I did was to just focus one one small space to start with. A kitchen counter (just part of it) is a good example. Or a dining table, or a shelf.

Clear everything off that space, and only put back what you really need. Put it back neatly. Get rid of the rest — give it away, sell it on Craigslist, donate it, recycle it. The clearing and sorting will take 10 minutes, while you can give stuff away later when you have the time.

Work in chunks
If you start small, you will feel good about it, but there is still a whole home full of stuff to deal with. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So just like you did one small area to start with, keep doing that, just 10 minutes a day, maybe more if you feel really enthusiastic.

If you have a free day on the weekend, spend an afternoon doing a huge chunk. Spend the whole weekend if you feel like it. Or just do one small piece at a time — there is no need to rush, but keep the progress going.

Follow a simple plan
For each small chunk you do, clear out the area in question and put everything in one pile. Pick up the first thing off the pile (no putting it aside to decide later) and force yourself to make a decision.

Ask yourself: do I love and use this? If not, get rid of it. If the answer is yes, find a place for it — I call it a “home”. If you really love and use something, it deserves a home that you designate and where you put it back each time you are done with it.

Then go to the next thing and make the same decision. Working quickly and making quick decisions, you can sort through a pile in about 10 minutes (depending on the size of the pile).

In the trunk trunk
 Once you have collected stuff to donate or give away, put them in boxes or grocery bags and put them in the trunk of your car (if you do not have a car, somewhere near the door). Choose a time to deliver them.

Enjoy getting them out of your life.

Talk to anyone
If you have a significant other, kids, or other people living with you, they will be affected if you start decluttering the home. You should talk to them now, before you get started, so they will understand why you want to do this, and get them involved in the decision-making process.

Ask them what they think of this. Send them this article to consider. Ask if they can support you wanting to declutter, at least your own stuff or some of the kitchen or living room, to see what it is like.

Do not be pushy, do not try to force, but have the conversation. Be OK if they resist. Try to change the things that you can control (your personal possessions, for example) and see if that example does not inspire them to consider further change.

There will be a lot of items that you either do not want to get rid of (even if you do not really use them), or you do not feel like tackling. This resistance is important to watch — it is your mind wanting to run from discomfort or rationalize things.

You can give in to the resistance, but at least pay attention to it. See it happening. The truth is, we put a lot of emotional attachment into objects. A photo of a loved one, a gift from a family member, a memento from a wedding or travel, a treasured item from a dead grandfather.

These items do not actually contain the memories or love that we think are in them, and practicing letting go of the items while holding onto the love is a good practice. And practicing tackling clutter that you dread tackling is also an amazing practice.

The danger is to start seeing decluttering as yet another chore on your to-do list. Once you start doing that, it becomes something you will put off. Instead, reframe it to a liberating practice of mindfulness.

Smile as you do it. Focus on your breathe, on your body, on the motions of moving items around, on your feelings about the objects. This is a beautiful practice, and I recommend it.
These steps will not get your home decluttered in a weekend.

But you can enjoy the first step, and then the second, and before you know it you have taken 30 steps and your home is transformed. You will love this change as much as I have.


How to stick to your fitness goal

How to stick to your fitness goals

By now, most New Year’s fitness resolutions are abandoned. Researchers found that gym attendance among new members begins dwindling 41 days after the New Year (February 10th), with most new gym-goers falling off  February 24.

Here are some tips to stay on track and avoid letting your goals go off the cliff.

Buy yourself new exercise clothes, sneakers or a workout bag. Doing so will prove to yourself that you are taking your fitness goals seriously. Plus, not wanting to new and/or expensive equipment to go to waste will make you more apt to get off the couch and use it.

Get a program
Not knowing how you will get from point A to B is a sure way to never get there. You do not need to earn a degree in exercise science, but take the time to look up or write out a plan that will help you build muscle, lose fat, or stick with your new diet.

Use music
Keep your gym music fresh. Find new tracks or swap playlists with friends. Even your favourite headbanger-hits can get stale after a while, and fail to provide the motivation you need for intense, productive workouts.

Assosciating your workouts with fun, music or escapism will make yo not want to miss them.




How stressing your body will get you success

How stressing your body will get you success

Anything in excess, is a poison.

Even good old fashioned exercise. And what is exercise but the application of a stressor? And what is stress in excess but a poison? But our bodies need to be stressed as much as they need rest.

Applied stress is how we disturb, destabilize and knock our body off its homeostatic kilter, expecting an adaptation of resilience to the exact distress we put it through. This can be over-done or under-done, however, and that is where good science is best applied as intuitively guided art – the art of program design.

And this is where the majority of people are failing with their goals. While hyper-complexified and sexified nutrition is incessantly promoted, debated and prodded for details, program design (how the training plan is designed and then an eating plan to feed the training) is barely given an after thought.

The reverse is where your focus should be instead. But I digress. So let us stay on topic.

Specify stress and you specify your result
All exercise is a regimented, controlled and applied form of stress seeking a positive adaptation. Like a wound seeking to heal, the body seeks to heal from the infliction of this stress by becoming more resilient to the act of being kicked, prodded and knocked around just so you and I can have a nicer looking body.

My argument? That the way you program your exercise gives it’s own “stress signature”. And your body interprets this signature uniquely. That as you adapt, you accumulate fatigue and fitness – the negative and the positive.

And that with enough an iteration and extended enough a duration, the negative over-powers the positive and you experience organismic fatigue. No such separation as neural and muscular fatigue.

But that fatigue has a specific and general aspect. And that if we view fatigue in this way, we can create an additive or emergent effect with programming where one and one added become much more than two.

Break it down to build it up
The fundamental principal of all exercise methodology to date has been the realization that we need to break down, and allow the body to re-build. Even the most illiterate novice understands this in a tacit sense.

But we are now beginning to understand “why” biological systems, like you and me, need to be challenged to stay healthy.

Complex and dynamical systems like our bodies literally feed on disturbance.

Thus application of stress through the strain of training, to illicit a short term detriment in physical capability and stress buffering capacity, is done in the expectation of the long term enhancement of the same stabilizing mechanisms we are disturbing.

The idea is to cause chaos great enough to serve as the stimulus for subsequent adaptive reconstruction.

This is the cyclical nature of all things biologically complex.

Pendulum like, booms and busts, ups and downs are the basics of natures innate protocol. Tear her down in a specific way and let her rebuild herself. She will process the instructions you leave in the design of your destruction.

Which is why specific programming is essential for optimal progress.

Is stress all the same?
No. Absolutely not. 5 sets of squats at max intensity, done in one day is not going to be interpreted (or cause the expression of the same neuro-muscular adaptations) in the same way as 1 set of squats at max intensity done every day for 5 days in a row.

First of all, max intensity will mean two different things depending on which break-down we use. Secondly, the chaos rate, magnitude and frequency is completely different and the body literally “interprets” the uniqueness of the stimulus as such.

You will eventually fatigue from either method (or something in between) used for too long. And then a break becomes almost essential. The mental/physical conjunction engine needs respite. Because you cannot continually accumulate positives.

The negatives eventually over-power. There is no continual up-regulation, ad infinitum.

But you can continue training extremely hard if you cycle the stressor types. While you are adapting to the short term effects of one, you are adapting to the long term effects of another. This, of course, has to be planned well.

The pay-off is tremendous as it allows more training per year, at a higher intensity than if you had stuck to one singular method, technique or style of stress application; of training.

When is a poison an elixir?
The role reversal of stress as a positive or negative, seems to be frequency, magnitude and duration dependent. How much is too much and how little is not enough are variables that have to be assessed through individual biofeedback.

The fact that tolerance and adaptation rates are highly individualized – if optimal progress is what you seek – means that each program has to have various degrees of freedom within a large encompassing structure.

Thus a stress or poison, in small enough a dose, or for short enough a time frame can heal, strengthen or rejuvenate. The opposite is true when a biological system does not expose itself to the demands that seek to destabilize it’s homeostatic state.

Long term stability can sicken, poison or kill. Death is stability. Life is instability.

Nature is an unstable bitch.


How to have honor

How to have honor

Honor is the defining quality of a warrior. It is also the defining quality of a real man, for a human male who does not live with honor is more a child than a man, a coward than a warrior. Honor is what holds a man steady in times of tribulation, as well as in times of plenty.

It is what gives him the respect of both his enemies, and his allies. It is what makes him a good father, husband, and friend, always. As honor becomes less apparent and a less valued characteristic in our modern man we suffer, our society decays.

Honor is a characteristic that is being ripped from our society. As humanity is being replaced by the machine, honor leaves the battlefield. A war needs a just cause, without it, war is senseless. It also needs honor.

The coward who straps a bomb to the back of a youth, and sends him to a crowded market, feels as though he has a just cause he is fighting for; however delusional and disgusting it may be, he feels justified.

What he does not act with, however, is honor. He is faceless. Spineless. He does not have the heart, nor the spine, to fight another armed man – the actual object of his hate – so he kills the unarmed, the innocent, through a human vessel he is coerced.

King Agis was shown a new catapult, which could shoot a killing dart 200 yards.
When he saw this, he wept. “Alas,” he said. “Valor is no more”. ~ From The Warrior Ethos

Honor is not merely being taken from battle, but from every facet of our lives. Sport is one of the few honorable institutions left in the world. It is a training and proving ground for our young men, where they are taught to value hard work, discipline, and respect.

It is where men meet in competition, the man whose preparation was the greatest usually wins; or does he?

Last night I watched the best basketball player in the world, Lebron James, flop and embellished every bump and collision he was involved in. Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, or Larry Bird would never act like such a child; like such a fool.

They may have trash talked, pushed, and punched, but they did so with honor. They did it face-to-face, without cheating. They let their 10,000 + hours of hard work lead them to victory, or an honorable defeat.

When I was a kid, my old man always made me own up to my mistakes, and there were many an opportunity to do so. It was not the mistake that angered him, it is how I responded to it that could.

Would I man up and accept responsibility, or would I blame the other guy, look for an easy way out, or even lie?

Today, the truth is rarely spoken, few stand up and take responsibility for anything, and men of honor are a relic, just like the sword, and the pen.

A man has honor
I have written multiple articles on the topic of being a real man, a warrior, or an alpha male. I have listed characteristics, defining inner qualities, and attributes that a guy must possess if he is to be called any of the three.

Of all the characteristics mentioned, there is none as important, nor as scarce, as honor.

Honor is the defining quality that distinguishes weak men and cowards, from great men, and Legendary warriors. It is with honor that a man stands firm when all else around him crumbles, when all those around him lie, cheat, and move drastically away from the people they are within their souls.

Honor is what keeps a man firm and true. Today’s enemy is rarely seen, you know where a man of honor stands without him having to say a word.

It is honor that makes a man’s spirit pure, his actions just. Honor is what makes a man a good friend. It is what makes him trustworthy and loyal. It is he whom we call when we are down on our luck, our backs against the wall, and we need someone to have our back and no one else will.

The man with honor is honorable and just to both his friends and enemies, because honor does not waver.

A man with honor holds the same values and virtues close in times of plenty, and times of tribulation.

Anyone can be a warrior for a day, a real man for a month, or an alpha male for a year, but to be those things always, requires honor. Yet so few have it in today’s society, it is no wonder that there is such a loud cry for real men.

We need them. We want them. We can not find them anywhere. As honor leaves us, real men follow suit.

Honor killed by weakness
The insecurity of the modern man has led to his weakness, spinelessness, and utter lack of honor. This insecurity is something we have created. It is a learned trait, not an innate one. It has been bread into our sons, beaten into our men.

Men of today try to fill the void left by insecurity with displays of excess and overt power, yet are too afraid to be in the arena themselves. They want to show they have more money than everyone else, the truth is usually somewhere in between.

They want to show they are strong men, but true strength is internal. Insecurity is what leads men to beat women and abuse children. It is weakness. Strength leads men to protect them.

There was a time when a man was responsible for not only himself, but his family. There still are men that take this responsibility with pride, but they are fewer in number than ever before.

There was a time when a boy was responsible for his own financial health at a young age, but that too has changed. We give to our children before they have learned what it means to earn. As they grow up, they want, but they do not want to do the work needed to earn what they want.

Then the government gives, without people earning what they are receiving.

There was a time when a boy stood up to a bully with his fists. He may earn a bloody nose, even a broken bone in doing so, but those scars were earned and worn with pride. Today our society rewards weakness more than it does strength.

The bullies of today cut others down with words, and the boy who stands and fights is scolded more than the bully who attacks the psyche, the emotions of his peers.

There was a time when a bully would give you a wedgie or stuff you in a locker – I call those the good old days. Today, a bully makes you feel worthless, shuns you from your peers, singles you out, makes fun of how you dress, talk, or look.

A victim of bullying can not defend against that hate with mere words, he needs physical justice. But we have taken the physical justice out of our schools, the honor out of our kids. With the change of the nature of bullying has come a change in the nature of the retaliation to it.

We have not taught our sons strength, be it the bully or the victim, both act with weakness, and we all suffer as a result.

Today physical violence does not involve a fist, but a knife or a gun wielded by a coward too weak to stand and fight on his own. He did not have a father to teach him how to do so, or to scold him for acting with weakness.

Or, he had a father, but that father is a coward as well, and is too absent in his sons life to realize the coward he is raising.

My dad was not so disappointed by my mistakes as by was how I reacted to them if that reaction was not honorable. He understood that mistakes are what a boy will make, and how he will learn. But if I made a mistake, I had to own up to it, confess it, be a man about it.

If I lied, passed the blame to another, or looked for the easy way out, that would bring about his greatest disappointment, and there’s nothing a son would not want to do more than disappoint his old man.

As a result, I made plenty of mistakes, but I always owned up to them.

Cowards are normal
There have always been cowards, men of honor have always been the minority, but in years past we were given more opportunity to develop honor because of the harshness of the times they developed in.

Today we breed cowards because we encourage weakness. The life expectancy has never been greater, the ease at which we can live has never been more accessible, conflict has never been so hidden and cunning and devious.

We tear one another down with gossip, we fight back in the same manner.

The world sits idly by as the innocent are being slaughtered. As innocence is being taken from our youth far too early, far too often. We do not defend the weak, because most men are weak.

Our society helps develop weakness through bail-outs where we fail, but we are not allowed to feel the sting of that failure. We are not allowed to develop the internal calluses and toughness that come only from learning how not to do things.

Our society develops weakness by removing the physicality from our childhood’s, from our sports, and from our wars.

There is a reason why sports like boxing are used to teach kids discipline, to get them off the streets, to teach them honor and hard work and sacrifice, but also to let them experience pain, defeat, and a physical consequence for their mistakes.

As a kid, Mike Tyson used to rob old women in daylight. He had faced gunfire, knife attacks, you name it. But the scariest thing he had ever faced was another trained fighter standing across from him in the ring.

There were no weapons, there was no escape. He had to man up and fight, and risk getting beaten up, for the first time in his life.

Young men need competition to develop honor. Knowing what is right and what is wrong is not enough, it has to be tested in situations where cheating, lying, and steeling may even be rewarded with victory.

In the end, those who live with honor leave a legacy, those who lie, cheat, and flop to get ahead, do not.

The excuse, well his heart is good, or, you know he is a good person deep down, is used far too often. Good intensions are nothing, they are useless. Good actions are all that matters. There is no such thing as a ‘good person’ who does not act as such, even if his heart is in the right place.

Actions matter. Intentions do not.

Honor through pain
Values like honor, courage, and valor can not be developed by someone who lives an easy life. They are only forged in pain and struggle and failure. There are two groups that can never be true warriors, nor real men:

Those that never extend themselves beyond their comfort zones, or move towards their greatest fears.

Those that never accept responsibility for their own actions, their own success in life, and their own happiness.

Honor is something that has to be branded on our souls if we are truly going to live by it at all times. It can not be a temporary tattoo, it has to be a permanent one. The only way we can be men of honor is to extend ourselves beyond what we can currently accomplish.

We have to put ourselves through a great degree of discomfort as we face our fears in life, in business, even socially and physically. We have to be put in to – or place ourselves in – situations where there is an easy way out, one that most take, but to be a man of true honor, we have to take the hard road, the honorable road.

We can not be “the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or when the doer of deeds could have done better.” We must be “the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errors and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.”

Defeat is not the enemy. Cowardly defeat is, just like a cowardly win is. Defeat can be a great teacher. Losing honorably builds character, much like winning honorably does the same. But we have to be in the arena to develop honor and courage and character.

No man can be a warrior giving orders from the sideline, if the giving of those orders were not first earned in the battlefield. No man can be a leader, if his leadership was not first earned in the face of tribulation, in the conquering of his fears.

It is in facing our fears, stepping out from our comfort zone, and taking responsibility for our actions – good or bad – and for our lives that we develop and live with honor. Almost any bad deed is forgivable if we make an effort to change, and own up to the mistake we made.

Be a man of honor, we need you to be. Teach your sons to be the same. The world is a hard place, somehow it is being run and populated by more and more weak men, let us change that. Let us make success something that must be attained with honor, by not applauding those who do so otherwise.

Let us hold ourselves accountable, first, but others as well. The world needs more men with grit, more hard, honorable men. Stand up. Rise up. Be one of the few. Be Legendary.