How to be a player

How to be a player


Being a player means you know game, and recognize you either play or get played and you need to play by the rules if you want success. The game is amoral like nature, nature will burn a baby who does not know better that touches a hot stove the same as a college professor.

Being a player means you want sex and affection from women, that could be through multiple women or through a monogamous relationship but the rules are the same.

Being a player does not mean you need to play with girls emotions, you can be and you should be honest about what you want. Not just because its the right thing to do but its what mean do, you set your terms and she can either accept them or leave. Most girls, deep down would rather have a piece of a real man than all of a weak man.

When you play by the rules you’ll get the most out of your relationships, avoid drama and not do anything to embarrass yourself that you’ll regret later. Girls will come and go but your actions will stay with you forever, that’s why its important not to break your discipline and stay on top of your game. Here’s how to be a player, the 29 laws you need to follow to keep your game tight:

1) Have A Player Mindset

That means confidence, an abundance mentality and an understanding that dating women is a game and you can either play or get played. You can’t sit on the sidelines unless you plan on being celibate. Internalize that girls will have sex with you casually because they have just as strong a sex drive as men do, the world didn’t reach six billion people by accident. Having a player mindset also means not feeling guilty for having sex, you recognize sex as a value neutral exchange, not a dirty act where you’re taking advantage of a girl. Realize that you’re living a 1% lifestyle and you need to act like it, it might feel weird at first but by the consistent external reinforcement you get from having lots of women around will become natural. When it will really click for you is when you know that if all that pussy dried up you can go out and easily find a new girl within three days anywhere in the world. Having a player mentality also means that you respect the game and don’t hate other players, recognize game and see what you can learn from them, player-hating is for losers.

2) Act The Part

Fake it till you make it at first. Act like you’re used to getting girls, dress like you’re used to getting girls, walk like you’re used to getting girls. You need to act as if and eventually the behaviors will solidify. Mick Jagger wasn’t always Mick Jagger, he used to be a skinny English prep school boy until he decided he was going to be the world’s biggest rockstar and started to act like it. Unfortunately your age, looks and status determine a lot of your success but you want to control what you can control and maximize your hand, that means get your style right and your body in shape. Act like a confident, strong man and that’s what you’ll become.

3) Always Be closing

That means always be closing new women. Use day game, online, or party game. You can’t have an abundance of women without playing the numbers game. This means asking a girl home with you after a date. It means putting moves on her when she comes home with you. It means escalating sexually with her until she’s ready to have fuck (never with force, always seduction), even if that TAKES three or four hours.

4) Always Be Ready

If you want to always be closing you need to always be looking good, smelling good and have your phone on you no matter where you’re going. You’ll never know when you’ll run into a girl that you want, I’ve picked up girls on the bus (when I used to ride it), in coffee shops and the doctors office just to name a few places, a player is always on the hunt. Having your phone on you is crucial, when a girl is giving you solid eye contact you want to be able to approach at the drop of a dime, you might only get one or two good looks a week so make sure you have your phone on you to get that number.

5) Keep your Pipeline Full

Whenever you think your pipeline is getting too full and you start to slow down thats when your pipeline dries up. Without a strong pipeline you’re liable to do stupid things because you’re horny like texting girls you don’t like. This means constantly keeping a fresh supply of girls you’re actively pursuing. Keeping a fresh supply will lower your neediness for any girl in particular and will keep you from drying out.

6) One Is Too close To None

If you want to transition into a relationship with a woman who meets your criteria, go for it, you’re still in the game but recognize that its a different set of rules. To be a player you always need more than one woman. With one girl you’re more susceptible to neediness, putting up with drama and other bullshit. When you have an abundance of women, it means you know and she knows that you have other options. Remember, you don’t need the girl you’re with, you need the NEXT girl.

7) Put Yourself First

Be in love with yourself and the game and you’ll always be taken care of. Women love nothing more than a confident, selfish man. Girls can’t stand a weak man and once they know you’re putting them on a pedestal they will lose interest. Girls will fight you to the death for power and ownership of you, but deep down they don’t really want it, once they have it they’ll move on to another challenge. Remember girls only love up, so keep yourself where you’re supposed to be, on top. With that said, don’t be arrogant in an annoying way, do it in a charming way with a shit-eating grin, combine that with affection and active listening and you have a powerful combination.

8) Be Discreet

That means keep your other women to yourself. Girls are jealous and narcissistic by nature. They have a hard enough time knowing they have to share you without you flaunting it in their face. Combine this with the fact that after seeing her for awhile her friends will be telling her she “deserves” better. Don’t bring other women up unless she asks, tell her “when I’m with you, I’m only thinking about you, I don’t want to talk about anyone else”.

9) Be Honest

This means be upfront with who you are. You don’t need to bring up how many girls you’re seeing but don’t pretend to commit or string her along to keep her around. If she asks, (which she will), let her know you’re not looking for anything serious at this point but would be with the right girl. This gives you honesty as well as the potential in her head that she could be that girl, which she could be if she plays her cards right.

10) Be good In Bed

This means fuck her good every time you see her, ravage her like a strong, confident man, or make gentle love to her. This conveys two things, one the basis of your relationship is sexual and two, when you fuck her well she will keep coming back. Don’t get hung up on making her cum, some girls cum easily, some don’t, for most girls however, sex is about connection, about feeling your strength, about feeling your weight on top of her and about you enjoying yourself.

11) Protect Yourself

Easier said then done, but this is a must for any player. It’s true condom sex is shitty but not as shitty as getting an STD.

12) Check Her

Girls will always test you, the best ones will test the least, but they will still test, its in their nature. They want to see what kind of man they’re dealing with and by letting her test you without checking her you’ve failed, more importantly though you’ve failed yourself by not maintaining your standards. The first time a girl does something I don’t like I tell her politely “I don’t like when you do x behavior”, if she apologizes and stops then we’re back to normal, if she keeps at it I check her more forcefully. If she continues to do it I give her a warning that I don’t keep negative people and drama in my life so that she knows the next time she fucks up she’s getting fired. Make sure to check her the first time she does something, because you get the behavior you allow. Check her for the following every single time:

jealousy plotlines
being in a bad mood
withholding sex
questioning your terms

13) Don’t Chase Em’, Replace Em’

Lots of girls are going to leave you for someone who will get monogamous with them. Unless you want something exclusive with them, its important to let them go, your power comes from not needing her and from her choosing to be with you. A lot of times girls won’t bother to text you when they meet someone, but if she does, then you can wish her well. Chances are she’ll come back once she gets bored of whatever guy committed to her too quickly, as long as everything was good with you when you guys ended it you can welcome her back with open arms when she does. When you chase after her not only do you lose that power and break your standards but she will lose interest. A good rule of thumb is to delete her number so you’re not tempted to text her. If she wants to come back, let her text you. Cop and blow, girls come and go. Without a commitment, every time you see her might be the last time and you need to be cool with that. Recognize that eventually she will want a commitment and if you don’t give it to her she will find someone who can (even when she still wants you).

14) ACTIVELY Listen

That means take an interest in what she’s saying. Ask questions about what’s going on with her and pay attention when she’s speaking. This is part of the cost to play the GAME, when you’re listening you should try and maintain eye contact, nod your head at the appropriate time and give the appropriate look or response ie. “wow” or “that’s crazy” or “really”. Remember what she said the week before and ask her about it the NEXT time you see her. Women will want to be able to talk about their week for at least twenty minutes, let her talk. Remember to keep a girl around you need to be more than just a human dildo.

15) Make Her Come To You

By her coming to you it shows three important things; one, that you have the power, two, that she is invested in you and three, it ALLOWS you to manage the experience. That also means make her come to you on the first date, it shows she’s invested and saves you from getting flaked on after you’ve gone halfway across the city. Most girls will be happy to come to you because their places are usually messy, any girl who tests you on this consistently does not value you enough or is high maintenance and has to go. Having her come to you also saves you hassle and travel time.

16) Always Be PLAYING

Watch what you say and say what you mean, girls remember everything you tell them. That means keep your game tight, you’re either playing the game or the game is playing you. This doesn’t mean you have to lie but it means you have to think before you speak, especially when you’re checking her, a girl will remember every negative thing you say. This also means be charming, be fun and identify with her hopes and encourage her. You want her to leave your place feeling good every time so that she’s itching to see you the NEXT week.

17) Keep Your Game To Yourself

Being a player is an alternative lifestyle that a lot of people will have a problem with, this could be YOUR family, your co- workers or your acquaintances. That means you need to keep quiet about how you live, especially at work when it can affect your money. Girls will label you as an asshole or immature and guys will be jealous of your lifestyle, they’ll try and browbeat you into a scarcity mentality and locking down that special girl before she gets away. Society, despite what you read in magazines frowns on the player lifestyle. Your family will push you to settle down, your co-workers and employer will judge you negatively about your sexual exploits, girls you went to school with will think you’re immature, beta males will talk shit behind your back. Even some of your CLOSE friends who are in sexless relationships won’t want to hear about the hot 21 year old you banged on the first date last night. Its important to remember that you are living an alternative lifestyle and its usually better to keep it to yourself.

18) Put Her On A Schedule

This means you should be seeing her no more than once a week on a scheduled night. When you’re trying to juggling multiple girls and meet new ones you want as much regularity as possible. Being a player is a part time job and without organization you won’t have time for anything else. The other reason for seeing her no more than once a week is to keep her from acting like your girlfriend, seeing a girl too often sends mixed messages and leads to jealousy, wanting to talk about feelings and her asking “What do I mean to you?” or “Where is this going?”. Friday nights and Saturday nights are great times to schedule girls because they are prime nights. This might sound counter-intuitive at first but you want the girls who are invested in you on these nights so that you can meet new girls on weekdays. New girls who aren’t invested will be less likely to give you a prime night in their week or will be more likely to flake on a prime night when something better comes up, that’s why its ideal to schedule first dates ON weekdays.

19) Keep Your Money In Your Wallet

That means spend your money on what’s most important in your life, you. If you want to buy every girl you meet expensive dinners you’re going to be a broke player pretty fast, it also makes it more difficult to see if she’s into you or your money. With that said when you ask a girl out for coffee, expect to PAY, it says terrible things about you if you don’t, it also allows you to lead the interaction. I think its fair that whoever asks, pays. If anything she should be invested in you before you invest in her, save the gifts and expensive dinners for your girlfriend who has proven herself.

20) Set Your Terms And Stick To Them

This means, know what you’re looking for, what behavior you’ll accept and what behavior you won’t accept. With that said you don’t want to lay out all your behavior terms at the START, just tell them to her along the way as necessary. Remember this, no matter what you say, a girl who likes you will always want a commitment and will always come at you with a question of “What do I mean to you?”. She won’t give up on that until she’s given up on you and found another guy who will commit. Always be willing to lose a girl who doesn’t respect your terms, remember she needs to choose to be with you. Your standards are MORE important than any girl, be good to the game and the game will be good to you. Every girl in your life needs to know that you want her but don’t NEED her. If she thinks you need her then she won’t respect your standards, she always has to know that you are willing to end things if she doesn’t act right. This means you let her choose to be with you, take it or leave it.

21) Manage Her Experience

To keep girls around you need to provide a great experience. That means apart from having amazing sex, let her talk about her day, ask her about relevant things in her life, cuddle with her, basically boyfriend stuff but on a smaller scale. You want to be about 80% player, 20% boyfriend, this gives her enough emotional attachment to keep coming back but still leaves her wanting more. Be fun, positive, have good conversation, and be affectionate (in moderation). You also want to have good movies, shows, sex playlists, food, wine, tea and anything else you’re into on hand. Having shows you watch together is convenient because you can watch the next episode whenever she comes by. Make your place and your experience a happy vacation from her life and watch her stay with you.

22) Don’t Have More Than Three Girls At A Time

As far as repeat business goes, Logistically and time-wise it is too difficult to juggle more than three girls consistently, even three girls is a lot to manage. If you want three girls you have two you see weekly and one bi-weekly. You can and still should be talking to and meeting up with new girls to keep that pipeline full. To keep a girl around you usually have to see her once a week, if you’re seeing two girls that’s two nights gone, plus lets say you have a first date or two and social commitments your week will be plenty busy.

23) Avoid The Phone

Talking on the phone is for relationships only, don’t confuse her.

24) Be Cool

Living the player lifestyle means you need to have your emotions in check. As far as girls go, neediness is the most effective way to destroy a girl’s attraction to you, this is the most important emotion to manage. Women don’t love weak men and neediness is weakness. You also need to realize that jealousy is a function of neediness, even if you are feeling a little jealous, this is something you can’t show to her, she will test you on it by talking about other guys. Girls will always test you to see if she can find chinks in your armour, and if she finds one she’ ll amplify whatever behavior caused it. For example when a girl starts talking about another guy she’s seeing, she’s testing to see if you’re jealous. You can only have two responses; one, listen and offer feedback like it was any other subject or two, tell her that you’re not interested in other guys and that when we’re together we should focus on each other. Some guys like the first method, I like the second one, otherwise girls will tend to keep running jealousy plotlines on you, and besides, I’d rather listen to her talk about how great I am.

When a girl won’t come over to your place after a date, be cool, ask her again another time
When a girl flakes on a date, be cool, delete her info
When a girl comes over the first time and won’t fuck, be cool, ask her again another time
When a girl wants to see someone else be cool, wish her well and delete her info
When a girl stops texting you be cool, delete her info
When a girl runs a jealousy plotline, be cool, tell her with a shit eating grin that the only guy you’re interested in is yourself

25) Don’t Waste time on Time-Wasters

Time-wasters are girls who text you but won’t meet up, girls who flake, girls who constantly try and re-schedule. If she cancels on the first date, chances are you won’t see her AGAIN. If you can’t get her to meet up within a week of getting her contact info chances are she will never meet up. You can test this out and some girls do come around but for time management purposes and your own sanity its usually best to delete their contact info and focus on hot prospects.

26) Keep It Between You And Her

That means don’t take her out with your friends unless you’re testing her for an upgrade, those are girlfriend activities. You especially want to avoid going out with her friends, it puts her in the power position, you have to work a room and she has allies to call you out on shit she wouldn’t do with just the two of you. All major drama I’ve had with casual dating has been when I’m out with her friends.

27) Embrace Rejection

If you don’t have a thick skin, you need to get one. The best way to do that is to get rejected. Keep in mind even the best players close around 7% of women they open, and even less from online. A lot women will not be sexually available, but in a bad mood, in a hurry, or any number of things. A lot of the time she’s not rejecting you, you just have conflicting agendas. Sometimes she is rejecting you but that doesn’t matter because that’s what this game is, being able to handle that is what separates you from every other guy. Being able to handle that is what makes you strong. You’ll never like being rejected, just recognize it as a cost of doing business that gets you one girl closer to a girl who says yes.

28) Know When To Commit

You won’t keep a quality girl in a casual relationship forever. When you feel like you have a qualified girl its time to start further tests. Bring her out with your friends, start seeing her more than once a week, and make sure that you’re starting to have feelings for her before you commit. This should take at least a few months, ideally longer so you can really get to know her before you jump into something. The important thing is to remember is that you never have to commit, no matter what she, your friends or your family think, commit only if and when you want to.

29) Know When To Fire Her

Firing her is the nuclear bomb in your arsenal, its not a card you can play twice unless you want to come in from a position of weakness with a girl that will be bitter at you. It also means she knows you’re not serious and will have a license to do the same behavior that caused you to fire her in the first place. When she sees you can’t hold to your standards she won’t respect your standards, so think it through before you fire a girl. You also need to fire a girl when you’re not into her any more, that could even be after only seeing her a few times, in that case you can just stop texting her and she’ll get the hint, this is also what girls will do to you when they’re not into it any more.


2 thoughts on “How to be a player

  1. Hey Ken Gold.
    Awesome blog.

    I just want to share a little tale of caution in relation to the pipeline theory.
    See, I used to be in the habit of always keeping my pipes ‘full at all times’, as I had read somewhere it would increase my game tremendously.
    It got messy often, as I’m sure you know, especially when using any kind of plumbing in the house. Dishes were not done for months as it became impossible. Still women didn’t seem to stick around for long.
    A few weeks ago, I noticed squeaky sounds coming through the pipes under the sink. It simply got too annoying, and I eventually called the plumber. Turns out he found ten ‘high quality’ rats (or some other kind of rodent..) had been nesting in those pipes (feasting on all the other shit I had stuffed in there to keep the pipes ‘full at all times’ – let me tell you, the plumbing bill was no joke. – In addition, the market value of my house is now non-existent, as there was a regular flood every time I went to take a dump, resulting in a toxic mold build-up in the hollows of all the walls. Good thing my ‘money-‘game’ ’ is strong!)
    But I digress. Just wanted to say be careful with your plumbing. Keeping pipes stuffed and ‘full at all times’ will not necessarily attract women, only Pest Control.

    You are right, though, about female eye contact. While the plumber was busy looking disgusted as he fished out the nest, and one half-alive carcass after the other, I looked up at the Pest Control woman and even with her eyes hid behind a shield, it was clear that she was not afraid of giving some of that ‘solid’ eye-contact you speak of – as opposed to all that ‘liquid’ eye contact, that flaky ‘low-to-medium quality’ women usually offer.
    So I asked her out. But she just threw the stinky rodent carcasses into her van and took off.

    Anyway, great things you have to say about when to commit to a ‘quality woman’. A little surprised that you recommend testing her, though, as I tried just that some years ago – before my house became the mold-infested shit hole mentioned above. Someone used this strategy in the 80s flick “The Big Chill” and I thought it was the way to go. Was later told it was a sure fire way to make her run away screaming… But I never was a PU-guru, so what do I know. Will def. try again…

    Also, picking up women in the doctor’s office? Sounds awesome, but pretty next-level;
    Glad I’m not alone in getting hot and bothered when sitting across some heavily medicated and/or crippled female.
    Can’t help but checking out a tight ass, when a real 10/10 bitch tries to walk into the doctor’s office with both of her legs in gaze. Thrilling.
    Good for you that you had the courage to ask for numbers.Always thought it inappropriate. Apparently not.

    Could you perhaps write more in depth about doctor’s office game?
    Would love some solid (or powder-form, or gas-that-turns-into-liquid-when-cold-form,) advice from a real pro.

    Best regards.


    1. Hi Frank, you are absolutely a hilariaous reader, welcome, i aprreciate your comment very much.
      I like your house analogy, and it made me some laughs. I will tell you more about doctors game in the future, it is a good way to tell, if your future woman is filled with rodents like the case with your house. Keep commenting.


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